Thursday, 8 March 2012

On a platter (Published in The Statesman on 07/03/12)

A group of British and American researchers who studied the south Indian vada over a period of 26 years has come up with spectacular observations regarding the snack, methods of its preparation, consumption patterns, after-effects of consumption, implications etc. The groundbreaking findings on the vada have been published in a well-known and widely-respected journal.

“The findings are comprehensive and have come out of extensive research by the 12-member team over the last two and a half decades” said Dr Daniel Dementia, the head of the research group. “Ever since I encountered a vada during my first visit to India in 1976, I have been fascinated by it. I was awestruck by its awesomeness. It was love at first sight. It is unlike any other food item. I decided to dedicate my entire life to the study of this wonderful thing,” said Dr John Insane Ignatius, one of the researchers.

The exhaustive study was conducted in Chennai, New Delhi, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Mumbai, Kolkata and 27 tier-2 and tier-3 cities. The study covered different types of vada such as medhu vada, masala vada, ulundhu vada, keera (spinach) vada, to name a few, at different places such as college canteens, messes, food courts in office complexes, restaurants, roadside shops and other places. “As per my estimate, we must have examined close to 8 million vadas over the course of the 26 years for this study,” said Dr Dementia, barely able to conceal his excitement.
The study has unearthed some mind-boggling facts. For instance, researchers have concluded that vadas in Bangalore are on an average 17 per cent harder than vadas prepared in Chennai. It was also found that on an average, 17,85,889 stainless steel spoons are broken in India every year while trying to cut vadas (medhu, masala, ulundhu & others), impacting the Indian GDP by 0.0007 per cent.

Every day, on an average, 17.3 people in India suffer severe head injuries because of vadas flying off the plate while trying to cut them with spoons (this includes 8.1 self-inflicted damage cases and 9.2 owing to vadas flying off other people’s plates). Researchers have found that, now and then, vadas are used during riots to attack police, damage vehicles, public property etc. Vadas have also been found to favourably impact dentists. The study has revealed that hard vadas contribute to at least 4.2 per cent of dental business across India.

A survey conducted as a part of the study revealed that stone-hard vadas lead to one in nine divorce cases in India. Also, one in every six husbands surveyed admitted to being hit by the missus with a vada at least once. One in every seven surveyed admitted to having had nightmares about being hit by a vada lying off the plate of a person sitting next to him.

Among vadas, the masala vada is the most common type of rat bait in India according to the study. Masala vadas that are more than five days old are very dangerous and are widely used in rural India to commit suicide. Sambar vadas and dahi vadas are widely considered deadly and when they fly off the plate, they are dreaded even more than acid attacks.

It has also been found that one in every six employees in India is fired because a vadas had flown off the employee’s plate to hit his boss. As a result, it is found that two of every three Indians avoid ordering vadas when they eat out with their bosses.

“Victims of vada attacks are generally traumatised and shocked. They need psychological assistance and emotional support. There are some NGOs such as Vada for all that provide counseling services to such victims. They also conduct awareness campaigns to train people to make soft vadas, to eat vadas without breaking the spoon and without letting it jump off the plate,” Dr Dementia said.

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