In a development that has raised a few eyebrows, Bob Biswas (real
name Saswata Chatterjee) ~ the deadliest insurance agent India has ever
seen ~ has been appointed the Central Vigilance Commissioner. The Union
home minister made this startling claim at a seminar organised by the
Insurance Regulatory and Development Authority (IRDA) in Salt Lake City
in Kolkata this week. He said: “India today is beset with problems on
all sides. There is rampant corruption. The justice delivery process is
time consuming. Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures.
Keeping this in mind, the CVC appointment committee comprising the Prime
Minister, the Leader of the Opposition in Lok Sabha and myself,
recommended the name of Bob Biswas for the position of Central vigilance
commissioner. The three of us watched a movie named Kahaani together
and we were thoroughly impressed with his ability to solve every problem
expeditiously and without any fanfare or fuss. We liked his simplicity,
humility and efficiency and chose him for this job.
“We have armed him with sweeping discretionary powers ranging from investigation to prosecution and more. Also, his role will not be restricted to fighting corruption. He will be handling any matter of public importance. His mandate is to deal with troublesome persons ‘in an appropriate manner’. The necessary legalities have been taken care of. People just need to send an MMS to Bob with the picture of the person they feel he must deal with. Bob will act the moment more than 1,000 people send a visual of the same person. It’s been one week since Bob started in his new role and he is already enjoying it. It’s a historic decision and this is something all insurance agents should be proud of.”
However, the home minister refused to clarify what the phrase ‘in an appropriate manner’ meant. When asked, he said: “Everyone knows Bob”, then muttered under his breath, “and Bob’s my uncle.”
We spoke to Bob Biswas to find out how he finds his new job. “It’s been a hectic week. I have been travelling to several cities, towns and villages in the past week. It’s not that easy. I can’t relocate to Delhi. I have lived in Kolkata all my life. My roots, family and career are here. My nine-year-old daughter studies here. My wife is a teacher. I can’t wrench them out of their environment. But I can travel across the country from here to ‘handle cases’. But, overall, I am enjoying my new role. It’s good fun,” he said.
We asked him about the nature of nominations. He said: “You would have guessed by now. Politicians are the favourites and make up the bulk of nominations. Also, because this is IPL season, I receive hundreds of messages after every match. Almost every Friday some Bollywood movie releases. So I expect that the MMS count would go up on Fridays and during the weekend, mainly from victims of one film or the other. There have also been thousands of nominations for several Godmen in India. I have also received nominations for several celebrities. Some celebrities who have made it to the 1,000+ list are Emraan Hashmi, Poonam Pandey, Rakhi Sawant and Himesh Reshammiya. I have also been getting visuals of lakhs of policemen, people working in the offices of various registrars, officials at regional transport offices and every possible government department. I would like to assure people that all their problems would be suitably addressed,” Bob said.
Bob also fondly recalled that his first ‘case’ involved a numerologist in Chennai who suggested changing the name of Agni V to Aagni IV, Masala Dosa to Massalla Doss and the pin code of West Mambalam in Chennai from 600033 to 300066. “This was my first assignment in my new role and so, obviously, I was a bit nervous,” he confessed. Neighbours of this numerologist claimed that Bob was in the house for not more than two minutes. All they heard was: “Nomoshkar. Ek minute.”
Bob is tightlipped about his forthcoming assignments. All he said was that he had a flight to Delhi to catch.
“We have armed him with sweeping discretionary powers ranging from investigation to prosecution and more. Also, his role will not be restricted to fighting corruption. He will be handling any matter of public importance. His mandate is to deal with troublesome persons ‘in an appropriate manner’. The necessary legalities have been taken care of. People just need to send an MMS to Bob with the picture of the person they feel he must deal with. Bob will act the moment more than 1,000 people send a visual of the same person. It’s been one week since Bob started in his new role and he is already enjoying it. It’s a historic decision and this is something all insurance agents should be proud of.”
However, the home minister refused to clarify what the phrase ‘in an appropriate manner’ meant. When asked, he said: “Everyone knows Bob”, then muttered under his breath, “and Bob’s my uncle.”
We spoke to Bob Biswas to find out how he finds his new job. “It’s been a hectic week. I have been travelling to several cities, towns and villages in the past week. It’s not that easy. I can’t relocate to Delhi. I have lived in Kolkata all my life. My roots, family and career are here. My nine-year-old daughter studies here. My wife is a teacher. I can’t wrench them out of their environment. But I can travel across the country from here to ‘handle cases’. But, overall, I am enjoying my new role. It’s good fun,” he said.
We asked him about the nature of nominations. He said: “You would have guessed by now. Politicians are the favourites and make up the bulk of nominations. Also, because this is IPL season, I receive hundreds of messages after every match. Almost every Friday some Bollywood movie releases. So I expect that the MMS count would go up on Fridays and during the weekend, mainly from victims of one film or the other. There have also been thousands of nominations for several Godmen in India. I have also received nominations for several celebrities. Some celebrities who have made it to the 1,000+ list are Emraan Hashmi, Poonam Pandey, Rakhi Sawant and Himesh Reshammiya. I have also been getting visuals of lakhs of policemen, people working in the offices of various registrars, officials at regional transport offices and every possible government department. I would like to assure people that all their problems would be suitably addressed,” Bob said.
Bob also fondly recalled that his first ‘case’ involved a numerologist in Chennai who suggested changing the name of Agni V to Aagni IV, Masala Dosa to Massalla Doss and the pin code of West Mambalam in Chennai from 600033 to 300066. “This was my first assignment in my new role and so, obviously, I was a bit nervous,” he confessed. Neighbours of this numerologist claimed that Bob was in the house for not more than two minutes. All they heard was: “Nomoshkar. Ek minute.”
Bob is tightlipped about his forthcoming assignments. All he said was that he had a flight to Delhi to catch.
No comments:
Post a Comment