Lashkar-e-Taiba to recruit from IIT, IIM

Islamabad: Though the Mumbai terror attacks have been widely condemned, there is one group which is extremely upbeat about the recent turn of events – the global terrorist network. The Director-General of WTO (World Terror Organisation) Mr. Abdul Bin Tughlaq Hafiz Al Burj ul Haq expressed his happiness over the recent bomb blasts in Mumbai saying: “WTO welcomes the attacks. Our organization actively works to promote terrorism in all parts of the world. We have been working relentlessly to strengthen terrorism in different countries, with Islamabad as our headquarters. I would like to use this occasion to reiterate our commitment to terrorism. We would extend all possible logistical, financial and other help to any group or individual who wishes to work for the cause of terrorism, Insha Allah.”

Mr.Mohammad-bin-dust, head of operations of Lashkar-e-Taiba(LeT) made a detailed statement about this incident and the future plans of his organisation: “Initial reports suggest that a small Indian terrorist organization by name ‘Indian Mujahideen’ is behind the Mumbai blasts. Such terror startups should be encouraged. I appeal to venture capitalists and angel investors to support such ventures. Also there is an urgent need for educated youth to be inducted as terrorists. The amount of energy, enthusiasm and innovation that they can bring to terrorism is unimaginable. Like top multinational companies in other industries, we plan to recruit some of the brightest, smartest minds from top engineering and management institutes in India like IITs and IIMs. We have attractive opportunities in our R&D division for IIT students as Design engineers in our IED&RDX division. Mr.Khan Abdul Ghaffar Khan Khan Khan who has recently joined LeT as our CTO (Chief Terror Officer) insists on professionalizing the way our organization functions. LeT had offered some projects on terror network optimization to some IIM students who did their summer internship with us last year. Some of them have even been offered Pre-placement offers. We plan to visit IIM Ahmedabad for final placements this year. This is the second time we would be recruiting from IIM Ahmedabad. The MBA graduates are recruited as (RTM) Regional Terror Managers. Last time, we were given a day zero slot because ours is an international offer - the location being Afghanistan – Pakistan border with many on-site opportunities in countries like Iraq. Our compensation is among the best in the terror industry…and also we are among the big 4 terror organizations! With IIMA having moved to cluster based placement process, things are slightly different this year. We will fall in the terror cluster. We believe that we would still continue to attract the best talent. We also have some lateral hires from Al Qaeda, Jamaat-ud-Dawa etc. We have aggressive expansion plans. We are targeting growth - both organic and inorganic. We will be making a bid to acquire Indian Mujahideen in the coming week. We have applied for registration with the Registrar of Companies in India. Initially, we’ll operate as LeT India Private Limited. We plan to go public late next year. As you can clearly see there are exciting challenges and opportunities at LeT. It’s a great place to start your career. All our terror associates would vouch for that.”

“The work here is mindblowing..and also headblowing!!” – said Raavan an alumnus of IIMA who has been with LeT for over a year now.

“We are also an equal opportunity employer” added Mr.Mohammad-bin-dust. “We don’t discriminate on the basis of gender, age etc. We have suicide bombers right from the age of 5 to the age of 95. We have a female terror associate – Shruthi who was hired from IIM Bangalore and she has been doing great.”

This is what Shruthi had to say about her organization: “The work culture here is great and there are huge growth opportunities. I joined as a regional terror manager and within a year I was promoted to Territory terror manager handling Pakistan, Afghanistan, Kashmir & Middle-east. You are expected to take up responsibilities right from day one. The amount of trust that the top management has in you is unbelievable.”

“We are confident that LeT would make it to the ‘Fortune - Global 10 best companies to work for’ list this year” - Mr.Mohammad-bin-dust concluded.

Disclaimer: Pure fiction. Nothing else.
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