Wednesday, 11 January 2012

Pain Management - My column 'Jest Kidding' for 'The Statesman' published on 11/01/12

In a move that could bring about a paradigm shift in Indian print media, a leading Indian English language daily (by circulation) ~ The Pains of India ~ has announced sweeping changes to its business model. As per its newly-proposed model, the newspaper (print edition and its website) would mainly be a place to publish free advertisements with some paid news here and there. From now on, brands wanting to get their ads published in POI need not pay anything.

“We have completely revamped our revenue model” explained Mr Max Pain, the publisher. He said: “Apart from advertisements, also offered free would be celebrity interviews, numerology, astrology, Bollywood gossip etc. For anything else, such as news about politics, the economy, terrorism, problems plaguing the country and other such stuff, we would charge money from the person/agency interested in getting the news item published. The amount would depend on the number of words, positioning and other such factors.”

Another radical change that has caused eyebrows to be raised is that columnists, with very few exceptions, would now have to pay to get their columns published. Among the exceptions will be best-selling novelists who can solve any problem in India in six steps (or maybe, five point something steps). But a P Sainath writing on farmer suicides or a Praveen Swami writing on Indo-Pak relations or an MS Swaminathan writing on agricultural productivity would have to pay the newspaper to get columns published.

The editor-in-chief of POI, Mega Pain, justified this saying: “We are taking a big risk by publishing articles on such serious issues. Imagine Justice Krishna Iyer quoting some random British jurists of the 19th century in his column. Our brand image would take a hit. So, it is only logical that we demand a compensation for publishing such serious columns.” Mr Justice Markandey Katju is reported to have complained of chest pains after POI made this announcement. His condition is now said to be stable.

Later in the day, there was a Newshour Debate on the group’s news channel in which the host Arnold Painswami gave his opinion on the topic: “Paid news, free ads. Is this the way forward for Indian media?”

This move has received widespread criticism. Almost all major Indian newspapers strongly condemned it. But Mr Max Pain is unfazed. In fact, he took a dig at other newspapers in his e-mail reply to Jest Kidding: “We don’t want a Left-leaning newspaper or a newspaper named like a fast train or a newspaper titled like a class XII biology chapter and others to give us expert suggestions. Hahaha.”

In related news, an employee of an IT firm in Bangalore was fired on Monday for visiting the POI website while at work. Though the company had blocked access to adult sites, Mr Aditya Srivastava bypassed the firewall and was secretly viewing the POI website during office hours and was reading articles titled “Sunny Leone to bare all for Jism 2’; “5 suggestions for a happy sex life”; “Aamir Khan’s dog is named Shah Rukh Khan”; “Will Salman Khan marry in 2012?” and “Worst wardrobe malfunctions of 2011”.

A disgruntled Aditya said: “This is unfair. I was just trying to stay up-to-date with current affairs as I am an IAS aspirant. I am planning to write the CBSE exam.” He had a sheepish smile on his face when we pointed out that it is actually UPSC and not CBSE which conducts the civil services exam in India.

'The Statesman' link: http://www.thestatesman.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=396430&catid=39

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