LUCKNOW: Bowing to popular demand, the octogenarian Tamil patriarch of David Munnetra Kazhagam, Mr Krupanidhi shared his electoral wisdom with members of different political parties yesterday. In the run-up to Assembly elections in five states, politicians cutting across party lines had requested Mr Krupanidhi to share with them election strategies that he had devised and successfully implemented over the years. Being in politics for several decades, Mr Krupanidhi has mastered the art of contesting and winning elections by capturing booths, bribing voters, spewing anti-Brahmin rhetoric, showering freebies, forming strategic alliances and maintaining a continuous association with the Tamil film industry.
A huge auditorium in Gomti Nagar in Lucknow was booked for this session by Mr Krupanidhi. Politicians were seen fighting with each other to gain entry into the venue as seats were limited. Security personnel received strict instructions to see to it that Election Commission members did not sneak in. In recent years, Mr Krupanidhi has wowed politicians from different Indian states with his ability to put in place a proper system to buy votes.
We spoke to a few participants ahead of the event. “The way he has perfected the supply chain of money distribution to voters before elections is amazing. We have a lot to learn from him,” said an MLA from UP, his eyes gleaming with admiration. “I am particularly interested in knowing how to convert all members of my family into politicians,” said another legislator from Uttar Pradesh. Interestingly, people from the corporate world also took a keen interest in this session as they wanted to learn about succession planning strategies. This was especially true of the heads of promoter-driven companies who want their sons, daughters and other family members to take up positions of great responsibility in the company, of course by dint of merit and merit alone, and aided by a completely fair and transparent selection process.
After a long wait, Mr Krupanidhi came on the dais. He looked stunning in his Armani suit with his trademark Ray-Ban sunglasses flashing and his Tag Heuer watch arousing envy in many. There was a huge cheer in the auditorium as Mr Krupanidhi entered to the tune of Zara dil ko thaam lo playing in the background. His gait was as uneven as that of Shah Rukh Khan in the same Don 2 song. The members of the audience were greatly impressed with the crisp 25-minute Powerpoint presentation made by Mr Krupanidhi.
Jest Kidding has learnt that chief election commissioner (CEC) Mr SY Qureshi somehow managed to gain entry into the auditorium and was caught secretly watching the proceedings through the keyhole of an emergency exit door. Former CECs Mr TN Seshan, Mr N Gopalaswami and Mr Navin Chawla were seen fighting with Mr Qureshi for a peek through the keyhole. Apparently, they were all keen to know how the DMK manages to hoodwink them in Tamil Nadu despite the best efforts of the Election Commission (EC).
After Mr Krupanidhi, his son Dadagiri, a Union minister, addressed the audience. His presentation covered the finer aspects of identifying target voters, segmenting them etc. For instance, he identified three categories of voters ~ a) definitely against b) definitely for and c) undecided. He advised the gathering that resources should not be wasted on the first two. He shared his strategies for identifying the third category of voters and making sure that money reaches them in time. He has pioneered this model in and around Madurai. He also gave some valuable tips on deciding the amount per vote based on parameters such as the type of election (Assembly, general, by-election, local body and the like), expected return during the term and then using methods such as discounted cash flow, net present value, internal rate of return to arrive at the exact amount. Mr Dadagiri’s presentation was in Tamil but it was simultaneously translated into English, Hindi and Awadhi.
The Union home minister gave a brief speech. The minister, who initially lost his Sivaganga constituency seat in 2009 and was then declared victorious after a recount, raised quite a few eyebrows with his radical suggestions. He strongly supported the introduction of Duckworth-Lewis method to decide the result in closely-contested elections involving big shots. He also said that there is a need for Election Decision Review System (EDRS) wherein candidates would have the right to appeal against the poll result announced by the EC. He suggested the review be carried out by an empowered group of ministers in the Central government (caretaker government in case of general elections).
Dr Nitin Nohria, the current dean of Harvard Business School attended the event. He was quite impressed with Mr Krupanidhi’s session. He said: “The level of professionalism that Mr Krupanidhi has injected into this illegal activity of buying votes is amazing. The corporate world has a lot to learn from Mr Krupanidhi, especially in areas of logistics and succession planning. I am happy to share with you that Mr Krupanidhi would soon be the object of a case study at Harvard Business School.”
Finally, we managed to speak to the man of the evening ~ Mr Krupanidhi himself. We sought his views on the commendable job that the EC has been doing over the years. He said: “In olden days, we used to have so much fun during elections; we could capture booths etc. Those were the golden days of Indian democracy (sigh)! These days, elections are boring. Anyway, when God closes one door, he opens another. We have institutionalised the process of distributing money to voters. The process has six sigma quality and is even better than the Dabbawallah system in Mumbai. We are even planning to patent the process!”
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